“Creativity can be described as letting go of certainties” – Gail Sheehy
And just like that I decided to write again. It’s been 14 weeks since my last blog entry. Admittedly overdue but I needed to experience life again. The posts I had put up were extremely personal, revealing and transparent. But all those emotions can be draining. I don’t want to act like that was all though…the other issue is my admitted struggle with commitment. I am trying to tackle those demons as we move into 2016 so this “Tee on Tuesdays” is a 1 article per week guarantee. Every Tuesday at 10am. I’m going to do it. I believe I can….
Lately I’ve been racking my brain with the question we all ask ourselves: Who Am I? In no particular order here’s the first 10 adjectives that come to mind: Father, Writer, Thinker, Entrepreneur, Marketer, Comedian, Lover, Fighter, Story Teller, Creator, & occasional Bull Sh###er (Talker).
I was having a conversation with my friend Shan, one of the top hairstylists in this city and one of the most opinionated women I know who always seems to relish in the moments she gets to “tell it like it is” with me. Her words to me were that I am very talented but I spread myself thin by doing 50 different things. “Trav how will you ever become great at something if you constantly are doing project after project and never staying with anything long enough to make it great”.
That is a very valid point and it hit home with me in areas of relationships, career, church, family and so many more. For today lets focus solely on the “career” / business interests. Anyone that knows me knows that I am involved in a kabillion different projects at the same time. As we speak I am:
1. Writing this article for my own blog,
2. Editing what will hopefully be my first guest article for another great website
3. Planning Thanksgiving charity details or TeamML6
4. Marketing my new tv mounting business venture on Craigslist
5. Waiting on the approval email from Huntsville City Schools to work as a substitute teacher at my kids school
The thing is I wouldn’t have it any other way. I don’t know if I love any 1 thing enough to do that thing exclusively. I do feel the urgent need to keep the lights on and the rent paid, not to mention provide for my children. If I had a choice I would prefer my tombstone to NOT read: “Involved in 75 things, Master of none” that doesn’t sound too good as a memorial and would be embarassing in the afterlife LOL!
So what are the facts? I know I love people and want to help/better my community, I am not a big fan of routine, I want to scratch my creative itch and I want to pour my ideas out into the world. How can I impact the world with those points factored in? How can I turn those factors into a paycheck? See the position I’m in? The struggle is real.
The stable life isn’t for everyone. If it was up to me, I’d be sleeping in my car with $2 to my name trying to bring my dreams to life. I’m that passionate and have that much belief in myself. But I do recognize the game has changed. I am a father, and I am 34….the clock is ticking. What if I step out there and fail? My risks have to be calculated now. How much living “willy-nilly” is there at this stage of the game. This is where my indecision seeps in. These are major decisions I find myself thinking, rethinking and over-thinking.
One day at a time for now. Just keep trying to make sense of it all.
This was an okay first “Tee on Tuesdays”article. Felt good being in the writers chair again. There will be a part two to this post though… Each article probably won’t be this heavy. I don’t know…I’m not gonna forecast it. I’ll just let it do what it do.